Monday, 23 August 2010

Autotuning. Why? Why not?

What would you do if I sang out of tune, would you use autotuner on me?
Plug it in now, and I’ll sing you a song, so it sounds like I’m singing in key,
Oooh I get by with a bit of help from my autotuner. Hmmm I get by with a bit of help from my autotuner.
Well why not I say… If your autotuner has the X factor then bring it on.

Autotuner? Well it certainly isn’t a mind bending rocket science but it is a pitch bender that will help you to sing in tune for your supper or your X Factor auditions. Nobody lies on British TV surely? (Rocket science? See PS/. below).

An autotuner is a devise used in live performance and studio sessions these days. It is a piece of electronic ingenuity that no one at the birth of cylinder recording history could have ever foreseen. It makes you sound like you’re actually singing in tune and not flat out.  There must be two sides to the question of need though. Why? / Why not?

The why is quite easy and straightforward and can be best answered by proprietors in the cooked meat industry. “Why sell meat when you can sell water?” Go compere!

So… Okay, fair enough, you’ve paid to download your fav track, (hopefully), and are now entitled to sit back and enjoy it without the bum notes that would have costs extra recording hours to perform without an autotuner. Your download sounds well recorded and everyone’s a winner.

Why not?
Because the word winner cuts both ways here. If you hear something you like on a program such as the ‘The X Factor’ for instance, you may just be tempted to shell out to make a phone call in support to show how much you care.  Never mind all that autocue stuff about the lines are now closed so please don’t vote now as your vote won’t be counted but you still may be charged.   NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO,  PASS ME THAT PHONE!!!

Autocue? Naw. No one cares about how presenters didn’t have to learn their lines all day. This is all about autotuner not autocue! An autocue is merely a device to read lyrics by while singing off key to your autotuner.

But who would you be declaring an undying love for in any phone vote? The shy girl / guy with the nervous twitch or the sound engineer? After all, whoever presses all your right buttons is ticking all your right X boxes but it may not be possible to use your auto-dialler for the phone vote though.

In Rocket science. Escape velocity is achieved at a speed at which the kinetic energy of an autotuner plus the gravitational potential energy of a dud singer is nothing to phone home about. (Not a lot of people don’t know that).

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